I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
