All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
