Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
