I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
