He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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