He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
