Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
