We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize