That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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