speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Randomize
