i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
