i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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