I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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