u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize