There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
