did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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