either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
