just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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