if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
