I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
