He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
