I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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