The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
