you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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