so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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