Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
