best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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