I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
