so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
