the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
