just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
