We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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