The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize