Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
