I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so much tequila, so little girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
