but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize