I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
