So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
