I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
