You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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