I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
