I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
