No awkward lesbian experiences without me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
