I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
