I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
