Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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