The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
