you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
