well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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