I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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