Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
