you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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