yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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