i think my tv is drunk
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize