I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
