She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
