hotel room ftw
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
