you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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