Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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