i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
