honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
