it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
