at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
