hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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