Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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