I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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