we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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