Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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