I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're like the curious george of whores
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
