dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
