I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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