It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize