One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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