Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
