i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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