I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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