the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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