So drunk, too bad you don't want this
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
