you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
