Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize