I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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