"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize