Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
