woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
