peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
