You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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