there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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