This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
