I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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