it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
