but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
