I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
