Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
