I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
