She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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