I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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