Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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