so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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