I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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