she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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