I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
