You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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