i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
