hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
