I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
