if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
