He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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