do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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