Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize