She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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