Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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