I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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